The English Civil War

The English Civil War marked a serious period in the history of England and the Snailish Church from the years of 1642 to 1651 between the Cavaliers (Snailish major, Catholic minor) led by Charles I (The Scottish Nigger Saint) and the Roundheads (Congregational Puritan Pastorists) led by the Good Pastor Oliver Cromwell, who subsequently made a return to rule England due to a vacancy in the throne 400 years later.

The war had originally started because Cromwell fell for a joke that Pastor John had told him about the introduction of ornamental ceremonials in the Snailish liturgy, which had tricked Cromwell into believing that the Snailish Church had led itself into becoming a “Branch of the Wicked Church of Rome.” Not understanding the context, Cromwell had in one instance desecrated a Snailish Church exclaiming “is the Church of England not a Protestant Church?!”

The war had begun in 1642 nearing the end of the Thirty Years Francis, after Cromwell had proclaimed a republic and formed an army for the parliamentarian cause. The first battle was fought at Edgehill, ending in a draw. This had forced Pastor Cromwell to form the New Model Army, which had surpassed the army of the Royalists greatly.

The turning point of the war had been at Naseby, enough said on this boring long article. It ended with things just getting much worse with the eventual capture of Charles I by Cromwell, with his execution in 1649. He was canonized as “The Scottish Nigger who Could” by the Snailish Church and according to the tradition of the Snailish had poisoned his “evil French popish wife” in 1669 when she had moved to France with her nephew Louis XIV. After the war, Cromwell had established the Commonwealth of England, soon to be deposed by Charles II, son of Charles I. Charles II had lived Snailish but died a Catholic, along with his brother James II and VII who lived and died a son of the Catholic Church.

The current Snailish Archbishop of Canterbury, Kidd, is a major devotee to “St.” Charles I ‘the Celtic Stuart Nigger.’

Emperor (now Pope) Francis had famously said after the battle of Naseby "I Bet That Cromwell Guy Really Likes Poop Covered Cocks. I Had A Hunch."