Gary Smetanka

Aliases: Gare Bear, Tank, The Tank, Smetanski

Gary Smetanka is the owner of the Smetanka NutriGrain Bar company. They are shitty, dry crumbly oat-based granola bars that will crumble as soon as they are taken out of the wrapper. Gary Smetanka is a Type-95 Thesis Novus Ordo and is a friend of the Type II Novus Ordos. He is also Segway Guy from Happy Wheels. He is commonly decapitated and put into a Schlenton-like state until he is recovered

He is able to transform into an M1 Abrams tank at will, and is a terrifying weapon of mass destruction for the Novus Ordo.

He also is the king of the Kingdom of Gary, a Novus Ordo kingdom in Grosse Pointe.

It was later discovered that one of the narrators was dating a girl that personally knew Gary Smetanka, knew him, and even went to a school under him. This is suprising to find out that we knew about Gary before meeting her, but of course the joke was ruined after that foid loser yakub is dating started making "Ooooooooh gaaary smetanka" jokes all the time so yeah jokes ruined.